My birthday is coming soon.
I will be 58 years old on September 10th.
During the past few months I have been experiencing anxiety attacks, in all shapes and forms, about my new age, as it is right around the bend from the BIG one, 60.
I have dreams in which I am 62, and have woken up believing that I was 62 years old and completely disoriented as I tried desperately to understand
where all the years had gone and how this had happened. It took me well over an hour to realize that I was in fact not 62, but 57. However, the feeling of being old and in the way
remained with me and I clearly believed that all the good things in life were behind me, all the mad crazy adventures over and done with, all the places in the world I wanted to go would never be seen.
For some unknown reason, I felt that my time was really over. I stopped doing yoga, I stopped hiking, I started sleeping in ( something I have never done ). I started to eat massive amounts of Ben and Jerry’s Cake Batter ice cream. I would literally go to Ralph’s after dinner, in my pajamas tucked into my sweats and buy 2 or 3 pints and a box of sugar cones and come home and eat until I couldn’t anymore.
I was miserable and it wasn’t going away, this feeling of dread this feeling of fear.
One morning I awoke to The Great Awakening. I realised that my life and the way I lived it it had nothing to do with numbers.
I understood for the first time that I am finally at a time in my life where I am better than ever. A time where I can own all the different variations of myself I have been.
I can own the messy divorces and not feel (finally!) that they were all entirely my fault.
New York, Paris, Jamaica, Africa Los Angeles, Inverness, they were all part of who I am now.
I have worked very hard to support myself and my children and I take great pride in this.
And now I am recreating myself in my new business Clothespin. It is very hard work but so is everything that you are passionate about.
I can appreciate the incredible life I have had and the incredible life I am having right now-
Most importantly, I truly feel that we, as women, can embrace, forgive, and love ourselves for who we really are, no exceptions.
I will be 58 soon, without botox, or lifts. Instead, I will embrace the woman that I am and practice a lot of meditation, yoga, hike and continue to be passionate about life.
So ladies, whatever age, you are lovable beautiful people…
let the fear go, for you never know what tomorrow brings.